Back when I was but a wee little nerdlet…

Disclaimer: For those of you who still believe I am a nerd, I strongly suggest you might as well stop reading right here. If you perchance happen to read and ask me rhetorical questions about it, I’ll vehemently deny everything I say in this blog. Needless to say, I am not good at arguments, especially when it comes to the losing part. 😛

It all started at National High School.
A place where I first saw myself as this sanskrit verse depicts –

यदा किञ्चिज्ञोहं द्विप इव मदान्द: समभवं
तदा सर्वज्ञोस्मीत्यभवदलिप्तं मम मन: |
यदा किञ्चित् किञ्चित्  बुदजन सकाशादवगतं
तदा मूर्खोस्मीति ज्वरैव मदोमे व्यपगत: ||

(I’ll leave it to the reader to google if it was beyond comprehension)

Must be the 3rd day in school or the 4th.
In came this kannada teacher whose name I only remember as N.S for Non-Sense.
It was his first class.
And true to his name, He spoke total gibberish.

Not wanting to die of boredom, I had retired to my tiny li’l world.
My impregnable fortress!

Suddenly, two things happened almost at the same time.
1. The class fell very silent.
2. All eyes turned to this guy, who we later figured went by the name of ‘Pavan’, had stood up, religiously arguing with NS.

And we instantly knew what this meant to us!
We’d found our savior!
But most important of all, we could continue our game of 20Q for the next 1 hour with absolutely no qualms of being interrupted. 😀

The argument itself was rather moot.
NS surmised that ‘ಮುಂದೆ’ can only mean ‘In your future’.
And Pavan countered it with a ‘If I say ‘ನನ್ನ ಮುಂದೆ ಒಂದು ಕತ್ತೆ ಇದೆ’ , would that mean there’s a donkey in my future?’
The conversation went only downhill after that.

But as far as we were concerned,
We had found our Guardian Angel!!
Silly and stupid…
But a guardian angel, nonetheless!

Now, most of us in the class were all toppers in our respective schools and naturally we were the teachers’ pets and needless to say, we were pretty good with teachers, good and bad alike.
But seriously, none of us were stupid enough to pick a fight with a teacher right in his first class!

(@Pavan,
Sorry boy, Anything that sounds cool and you preempt me in doing is naturally considered stupid. This is my blog. After all, It’s only fair you don’t steal my limelight. 😀)

Soon, we were all the best of friends.
Me, Pavan, Giri and Jayyu.
A few days later, Jayyu suggested we rechristen Him. Purportedly, to conceal our guardian angel’s identity.
And so we did. We called Him ‘Chubby’.
Only that it revealed more about Him than conceal.. 😀 😀

Well, to be fair.. All of us had names.
O’course, besides the ones we were already baptized with and a few other names we went by with.

So Giri was called ‘The Lidless’.
Though, we vehemently argued with everyone possible, that it’s expressive of the fact he was an ‘Out-of-the-box’ thinker, fact remains that it was because he often times spoke ‘Off the hat’. 😛

And Jayyu was called ‘Jayanti’; This was more of an imperative rechristening as we had to fend off
certain rumors about us being a male chauvinist group and stuff and we had to show a record of a female in our group. 😀

Needless to say, I had a name too.
And I sure as hell am not gonnu mention it here. 😀 😛

And one of these days, Chubby proposed that we start a science club.
YSA, we called it; for Young Scientists’ Association.

Perhaps, I should take this moment off to clear a few confusions surrounding our science club.
There was this rumor floating around that our science club is a secret brotherhood of sorts.
Well, clearly it wasn’t. We weren’t even a brotherhood more to the fact per se.
You know.. It was more of a Brotherhood cum Sisterhood, if you will buy it. 😛

And then, there was another one of these rumours that quipped our science club was a pun on NSA, kinda hinting that YSA stood for “Yes, Such Agency”.
And we reasoned that if people believed that an agency which goes by the name of ‘No Such Agency’ actually exists, then they shouldn’t be believing that an agency that means exactly the opposite could quite exist.
And if they had believed that NSA itself didn’t exist, the whole ‘Pun’ thingy itself held no water no more.
To think that ppl had gone to so much trouble and that at a time, when there was not even a Dan Brown book to their aid! Remarkable indeed!!

So to continue.. Chubby led this organization of ours.
I still vividly remember the day when our first meeting came to order.
Chubby was sitting on this slab of stone and he addressed us all in a rather serious tone
and asked – ‘Does anyone of you know what ‘Impotence’ means?’
We were like, ‘Scuse me, Importance?.. Portance? This? That?? This and that??? That and This??
And the day’s meeting concluded with a dissertation on what it meant and that the newspaper that day had published an article citing that cardamom cause impotency.
Never did I eat anything that even smelt like cardamom for quite a while after that..

Our group proceeded onto unravel many such mysteries of the world, one after another after another. 😀

Another of these days, We were all going to a certain place and we noticed a butterfly chasing another. One of us raised the question as to if anyone of us knew what they were doing.
I was about to open my mouth to say something; But fortunately for me, Chubby had answered already, that they were mating.
Yeah..I guess that makes more sense than what I had thought they were doing, ‘fighting!
Heck mom, Did you raise me just so I’ll get you a Guinness someday?
For being the dumbest one on the planet!! x(

But I was not too dumb all right.
I had enough common sense to tell hot from cold.
Like, er.. that the girl next door was hot. Hot enough to brag that I’ve such a neighbor. And then, that the girl downstairs was even hotter. And I so must not even perchance mention her name when I am with friends. 😉

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, we’d heard!
So we set out to perfect the little knowledge that we had gained thus far.
And soon, Mendell became our idol.
Max Planck, Darwin, Watson and Crick, our prophets.
And the drosophilia became to us what a pterodactyl was to paleontologists.

It was not long before we threw our Huckleberry Finns, the Hardy Boys and the Robinson Crusoes and mastered the almost biblical biology text-book of the 12th standard.
Chubby was particularly dead set on us having to remember the Mendell’s ratio right to the 13th fillial generation. 13 is an auspicious number. So He’d heard!

And then we moved on to explore the cloning techniques, the watson and crick model of the DNA,
the Darwin’s theory and whatnots of the genetic arena.
Soon we were such established veterans in genetics we could easily have saved many a marriage.
When an all-white couple had a black baby, we knew why.
Certainly not ’cause the spouse was perfidious, but because one of their parents were black.
If that was not true, we could trace
back to as many levels up the ancestral tree till we find one.
The neanderthal man was one as far as we all know. 😀 😛

With our expertise, we could have produced giant mutant guppies…
O’course By saying produce, I mean to lab-produce. 😀

And ppl wouldn’t have had to go the talkies to watch the wolverine, sandman and the likes.
They would really have had a friendly neighborhood spiderman!!

To think that we gave it all up for a tiny little cubicle life is so much ungratifying!!
To be forced to browse the web for atleast 8 hours a day… No sir, not fun anymore.
Not ev1 when they pay me.. Nosiree.. Not ev1 at 200 bucks an hour.
But then again, I guess I didn’t have much of a career choice when they presented me with a frog to dissect in my second year PU. Of all the things to learn, Frog’s physiology?! :-/ 😉

And so, the world was saved once again, perhaps the first time ever in history, by sheer disinterest of the antagonists themselves! 😀 😀

(Aside: Title inspired by Garfield)

Niranjan Nagaraju

I am Vini – Vini The Pooh aka Niranjan. I am a little “sheep in the big city”. A self-proclaimed atheist, freelance writer and cartoonist; The latter two are an avocation as yet, but I believe they really are my medium. Oh, and I code for a living. :)

4 Comments:

  1. "To think that we gave it all up for a tiny little cubicle life is so much ungratifying!!" -> Very true

    Nice blog 🙂

  2. Chubby talks:

    Awesome. It was pretty nice wasn’t it? Nice. 🙂 And then, we had to put up with “non-believers” (kore et al) 🙂

    Good on ya mate. Nice one. AND, next time, think twice before you call me a nerd. I am a Geek, not a nerd. 🙂

  3. @Chubby,
    Calling u a nerd would be more to the fact, boy. And I ain’t good at presenting truth. 😉
    BTW, U need sm sleep.
    Perhaps after a good 3/4 days of some, U might come to notice that I nvr did call u a nerd.
    U r a nerd. But I wudn’t call u a nerd.
    Oops! Did I just say a li’l too much? 😉 😛

  4. @ Niranjan AKA Kulli

    Hey u revealed all our school days name n u kept u r in secret.. i still call u by name Kulli the Genius..

    Really Nice Blog which recaps my old memo.. Life in NHS .. was simply best times of our life i guess …

    Life is short Have Fun in Every minute u spend……..

    Cheers
    Giri
    M.Tech IIT

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