The Non-technical Wife

For quite a while now, There have been words about pushing me into the “proverbial well“.
And I have begun to give some thought to it, lately.
Although not quite in the same sense.
My thoughts are more along the lines of “what if.. “;
You know, What if they find me a… What if I end up getting a… *GASP* …non-technical wife.

And by that, I don’t mean someone who doesn’t know there are baseball metaphors for sex (I can live with that);
Nor Someone, as Ramya would call them, er.. “technologically challenged”.
But the ones, you know, that take time out to actually call people?!
The ones that are averse to being online 24×7.
The ones to whom Facebook is all but a pastime.
The ones who would think it’s a romantic gesture when you rickroll them.

It isn’t as if my fears are unfounded.
I have all but lost the fine art of face-to-face communication. (A few would argue that you cannot lose what you’ve never had, death to them all 😛)
I have a problem reading human emotions without tilting my head to the left.
I care about people and their intricate relationships as much as I care about how individual ICs are inter-connected in my motherboard. (i.e., not at all)
Half the time I take my phone out to “call” people, I forget why and end up playing angry birds instead. Although, In my defense, It takes one less swipe to the right.
It frightens me that I might have to live in a world where “the elders” might consider it rude to have all your conversations over group-chat.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Chances are, She might get the better of my weird gadgets obsession soon and I might end up getting divorced, too.
Even if We could get past that, tempers would wear thin as detailed accounts of my escapades on buzz, twitter and FB would make as much sense to Her as retarded ramblings of a drunken lemur.
I could as well be telling her that I fell into a rabbit-hole or that I just discovered the magical world of Narnia.
Wouldn’t make the darndest of difference.

What makes it worse is the fact that I have no real skill outside of this realm.
Take me out of my life-support a.k.a the internets and I would be one fish out of its bowl.. er.. water.
While I technically wouldn’t drop dead, my neuro-physiological activities wouldn’t be much either to make any signs of protest even if you are taking me to bury me (alive).

It wouldn’t be that big of an exaggeration if I say I am more like this guy in the second panel –

A softer world

Image Source: A Softer world [http://asofterworld.com/index.php?id=338

I could go on about my geekdom but considering my audience, It’d be like preaching to the choir.

Well, I hear ye all saying, Why don’t I stop babbling and.. er.. find a suitable girl(whatever that means) for myself.
Suffice to say, I tried. That’s all you ought to know, really. 😛

Yet, It’s my people’s hope to cure me of my hopeless dweebism by finding me a girl.
They have kinda informally launched a community-wide search.
Now, that could just be the worst place to look for.
Not only are my options limited, ergo greatly increasing the odds of Her being largely halli-ish; But I have long since abandoned the ways of the “community”.
Considering that I am now an atheist and my Tamil’s all but forgotten ever since I was booted out of the house.
Not to mention the unholy habits I have accrued over the years.

This, assuming that I am even remotely marketable.
Or perhaps, Like the proverbial cheese, I’ll stand alone.

Niranjan Nagaraju

I am Vini – Vini The Pooh aka Niranjan. I am a little “sheep in the big city”. A self-proclaimed atheist, freelance writer and cartoonist; The latter two are an avocation as yet, but I believe they really are my medium. Oh, and I code for a living. :)

4 Comments:

  1. Now let me rickroll you from the hall,boy 😀

    Hmm, so what was the point of this finally? Is this your outrage against the institute of arranged marriage,or is it your matrimonial ad? Are you saying or are being victimized or are you saying you are searching for a “suitable” victim? 😀 Eitherways, I will sincerely wish and pray to god that all your worst fears come true 😉

  2. This seems a very mighty attempt at pulling down Community-matrimonial.com, a site which has its ad pop up every primetime on TV! 🙂

    Bubbie must have a look at that.. Bubbie’s Phone number? anyone ?

    Log on to communitymatrimonial.com and get a halli babe 🙂

    And ya 🙂
    I am with Pavan on the wish-list!

    Vini, My word to you. Do NOT underestimate halli babe’s oomph and awareness on the baseball thingy.

  3. And there is always the mortal fear of “Maa said only on second saturdays” 😛

    Maybe teach her to watch Big Boss on a small screen.

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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